2021 Crown Day Reflections

Hiking and biking while Black. With Black hair.

I remember having a conversation with two white coworkers about my hair experience. I told them about my struggle finding a hair care practitioner I could afford for the three-fourths of my family that had significant hair care needs. Once they figured out how long it takes to tend and properly care for Black hair, they began to “school” me on how much I should be paying this person versus how much I could afford to pay this person. And they also had the nerve to be annoyed with how much I was being paid. Tuh!

I’ll say this, a simple “shower detangle” and blow dry doesn’t meet all the needs of all Black women’s journeys in hair HEALTH and CARE. And the frequency of hair care that is “required” for a Black woman to rise in the ranks of her worth is an untold story. Yet we dedicate significant resources (money & time) to be “accepted” by white people in the workplace just so we can provide for our families.

There is an ongoing struggle to balance our style and grace against what white people and mainstream audiences will see as “professional” and “acceptable.” If you can’t see talent, charisma, or leadership past a certain hairstyle, you’re fostering racism.

This [bald] Black man has washed, conditioned, detangled, and styled the hair of every person in his household, including me when I needed care. His hair journey is not yours. His hours of Black hair care love are not equal to yours.

You don’t understand my roots, my follicles, my curls, my detangle, the multifaceted and complicated steps of my “wash and go”, the pressure to represent, the complicated outputs that make me feel personally and professionally desired, the anxiety and pride of showing up with a new style, and the gaze that wraps my nails and hair into an undesirable bundle that denies the strategy of my brain.

My daughter appreciates the intricate designs of her ancestral heritage and my son loves for his locs to grow ununiformly as they lengthen and strengthen with natural oils and products. So be it. So be their identity. So be their self love. And we thank all the gods for it.

We don’t have the same 24 hours in a day to “make it” and the styles that make you feel good don’t help me feel fully present. So pay me more. And! Hold this nap. Hold this weave. Hold this color. Hold these locs. Hold these shaved sides. Hold this design. Hold this length. Hold this shortness. Hold this change. Hold this transformation. With frequency, if I so desire.

Oh man, to find or create spaces for Black folx that don’t require white servitude for promotion or a just life! That’s the goal. And my hair is still my crown.

And it changes, and it flips, and it morphs with the frequency of our creativity and strategy.